Becoming a Wise Mentor to Christian Leaders

Mentoring pastors and Christian leaders is a bit different than mentoring in other professional contexts.

While ministry does require competence in many skills, it is perhaps even more about becoming a certain kind of person.

Mentors for pastors need a dual focus of developing the ministry skills and the ministry character of their mentee. That kind of mentorship requires a real relationship with your mentee–not just an imparting of knowledge or a handing off of tasks, but a vulnerable partnership.

Wise Mentors do these things:

Share ministry.

When you invite mentees to do ministry beside you, they learn through watching what you do and how you do it.

Debrief learning experiences.

After doing shared ministry, explain why you did what you did. Invite their questions as you share your internal process of decision making.

Give stretch assignments.

A stretch assignment is an opportunity to do something new that is beyond what a person already knows how to do, but not so far beyond that it sets them up for immense failure. This just-right level of challenge is what learning experts call the proximal zone of learning.

Give feedback with appreciative inquiry.

Mentees need your insight into how they are doing and how they can grow, but how you give that feedback can determine how it is received. Appreciative inquiry is a process of asking questions about what is working and how to build on that. Yes, you may have to occasionally give more direct correction to your mentee, but always give them a chance to reflect first by talking through questions; they may be aware (and embarrassed) of the shortcomings and errors you would point out.

Move through the stages of mentoring.

Mentees need to be equipped with knowledge and guidance, but you should be moving them toward collaboration and collegiality with you. (See Gray’s Mentoring Model.) Offer their own failures, past and present, for the mentees’ vicarious learning and for building trust and hope. Mentees need to see attainable models of ministry, and sharing your failures will help them know how to stay in ministry as the fully human (and therefore imperfect) yet beloved people they are.

Develop—don’t use—their mentees.

Seeing mentees as free labor to do the tasks that you don’t want to do, even if they are interns, undermines the long term future of the church. Attend to their gifts, skills, and passions, and help them learn how to connect those to the realities of ministry. Consider the skills and character you want your future leader — the pastor who serves you after you’re retired — to have, and give responsibilities and experiences that develop those.

Advocate for the mentee

Advocate within and beyond their organization. This could look like resisting the urge to share every congregant’s critique of an intern, helping them network in the broader leadership community, and advocating for their credentialing in advance of when they need it.

Model good boundaries. Take care of yourself and give the mentee explicit permission to do the same. Disconnect from work for at least an hour each day, and take a sabbath regularly, and share with your mentee about how to maintain those boundaries.

Initiate regular check-ins.

Mentees may assume that you are too busy to meet with them. From the beginning of the relationship, set up a schedule for when you will meet and prioritize those check-ins as an investment in the development of the leader. A check-in can be simple in format to yield great results: What is going well? What is challenging you? What support, resources, or roadblock-removal do you need from me? Consider more frequent “walk bys”–a quick but intentional conversation where you encourage, invite questions, and ask how you can resource.

Have a real relationship with the mentee.

That may include spending time with them in their interests, in home-spaces, and with their close friends and family. Having fun together never hurts either!

Impact the relational style of the mentee.

Leadership happens through relationships, and all leaders have ways of relating that are more and less effective. Mentors can use questions and reflect back what they see to get to the heart of how and why their mentee reacts to different people in different situations. This deeper self-awareness gives the mentee the freedom to choose healthier ways of relating and increases their emotional intelligence.

Refer their mentee to other resources

Resources can include counselors, spiritual directors, and professional development training, when needed.

Looking for additional leadership help?

Too many people dive into world-changing work, only to become discouraged, disillusioned, and burnt out. Strengthening individuals is the first step towards building strong organizations and flourishing communities. Find out more about The Center’s individual programs here. 

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This resource is also available as a pdf download:

Download: Becoming a Wise Mentor for Christian Leaders

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Upcoming Virtual Summit
Leading During Polarizing Times
This FREE online event is designed for ministry leaders seeking practical tools, spiritual wisdom, and renewed strength to lead faithfully when your church community faces deep differences.
Upcoming Virtual Summit
Leading During Polarizing Times
This FREE online event is designed for ministry leaders seeking practical tools, spiritual wisdom, and renewed strength to lead faithfully when your church community faces deep differences.
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Your feedback is immensely valuable!
As an essential component of your participation in this program, we ask that you provide us with your honest, candid, and timely feedback in program surveys and conversations, and consider providing reviews or testimonials of the program for promotional use.
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The Center for Transforming Engagement strives for intentionality in the ways we relate to one another - how we as a team relate to each other, how we relate to participants, and how we hope participants will relate to us and one another. To that end, we hold cultural norms about the ways we interact with one another. Your participation in this program is contingent on your agreement to abide by these cultural norms. i. For growth to happen, we all need to be able to share about the deeper challenges we face. To provide that atmosphere of openness and support, you commit to not sharing personal information that is shared in program meetings. ii. In our interactions with each other and our communities, we practice the humility of not-knowing that is required to listen and discover. iii. Be aware of different cultural and characterological ways of communicating, and invite others’ voices. Respect theological differences: the river of Christian orthodoxy is wide, and while the streams of that river are distinct, they are not inherently better or worse. Even if you can’t respect the belief, treat the person with respect. iiii. We value both thoughts and feelings as valuable pieces of information that inform one another, and inform our learning and discerning together. iv. Be in the here and now (not mentally somewhere or some time else), with the people who are sharing their time and stories with you. Eliminate any distractions possible.
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All program content, recordings, and materials are the intellectual property of The Seattle School and may not be presented, distributed, or replicated. The Seattle School retains the copyright for all recorded content. Some print materials (PDFs, worksheets, journal prompts, etc.) will be licensed under Creative Commons: Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike. Those materials will be available for download on our website, and may be used as long as the following conditions are met: (1) attribute to the Center for Transforming Engagement even if remixed/modified; (2) do not use for commercial (paid) purposes; and (3) anything you make that remixes or builds upon this material, you must also distribute under Creative Commons. More information on this license is available at creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/
(scroll down and click agree) Full attendance and participation during all sessions are expected to complete the program. Please consider the schedule closely to ensure you will be able to participate in the virtual meetings, and block off your calendar to ensure your attendance. Should you have an emergency (illness, situations out of your control) that will impact your participation please email transforming@theseattleschool.edu Time commitment: Two hours one day per month for 8 months, dates to be determined by majority of registrants' availability and adjusted as needed during the first group meeting. Your feedback is immensely valuable! As an essential component of your participation in this program, we ask that you provide us with your honest, candid, and timely feedback in program surveys and conversations, and consider providing reviews or testimonials of the program for promotional use. 2. Code of Conduct The Center for Transforming Engagement strives for intentionality in the ways we relate to one another - how we as a team relate to each other, how we relate to participants, and how we hope participants will relate to us and one another. To that end, we hold cultural norms about the ways we interact with one another. Your participation in this program is contingent on your agreement to abide by these cultural norms. Confidentiality. For growth to happen, we all need to be able to share about the deeper challenges we face. To provide that atmosphere of openness and support, you commit to not sharing personal information that is shared in program meetings. Curiosity. In our interactions with each other and our communities, we practice the humility of not-knowing that is required to listen and discover. Respect differences. Be aware of different cultural and characterological ways of communicating, and invite others’ voices. Respect theological differences: the river of Christian orthodoxy is wide, and while the streams of that river are distinct, they are not inherently better or worse. Even if you can’t respect the belief, treat the person with respect. You are invited to be a whole person, with both thoughts and feelings. We value both thoughts and feelings as valuable pieces of information that inform one another, and inform our learning and discerning together. Presence. Be in the here and now (not mentally somewhere or some time else), with the people who are sharing their time and stories with you. Eliminate any distractions possible. 3. Fair Use Policy All program content, recordings, and materials are the intellectual property of The Seattle School and may not be presented, distributed, or replicated. The Seattle School retains the copyright for all recorded content. Some print materials (PDFs, worksheets, journal prompts, etc.) will be licensed under Creative Commons: Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike. Those materials will be available for download on our website, and may be used as long as the following conditions are met: (1) attribute to the Center for Transforming Engagement even if remixed/modified; (2) do not use for commercial (paid) purposes; and (3) anything you make that remixes or builds upon this material, you must also distribute under Creative Commons. More information on this license is available at creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/