This article is an excerpt from an interactive discussion with Organizational Psychologist and Executive Coach Dana Scannell, PhD and Dr. Rose Madrid Swetman, of the Center for Transforming Engagement. Dana and Rose consult with churches and non profit teams and are sharing the challenges they hear from leaders, lay leaders, clergy, nonprofit leaders, and people that used to be leaders and are now deconstructing their faith are facing.
We’re in this together
ROSE: How do we delegate well and empower people while staying connected? You wanna talk a little bit about that?
DANA :Yeah, I think of delegation as like a fishing line. The idea of a fine line that you can barely see and sometimes it gets lost, but the fishing line is still there. And I like to think of delegation as that fishing line of connection with somebody.
I may not be able to see it, but I still have some connection to what I’ve delegated. So if I delegate something off to someone, it’s not just dumping it onto them and just saying, well, that’s yours. You run with it. Let me know if you have any questions.
I think that in the busy-ness and in the weight and the responsibilities that so many of our leaders carry – ministry leaders, nonprofit leaders – I think we can get kind of waylaid by the idea that if I’ve delegated it, that it’s no longer mine.
Well, no, if I’m a leader, I have to be able to still have some tangential connection to it. It’s not a matter of not trusting the other person – because that’s gonna lead to, well, do you not trust me if ou won’t let go of it. And this is not a tug of war.
The fishing line does not become a tug of war, where I’m now tugging at somebody else. What I’m saying to them is, we’re still in this together. And this is a partnership. And it’s not that I’ve just said, I don’t trust you to go do what you need to do, but also keep me informed or let me know if there’s something you need help with. We’re still connected to it.
And helping people see delegation like that, instead of delegation around dumping, like I just gave you, have your responsibilities. We’re still connected because we’re still in this together. And I feel like that’s one of the most powerful lessons. That seems so simple, but how many times do I not wanna step on their toes, or make them think that I don’t trust them? And so now, instead of feeling empowered, they feel like somebody’s looking over their shoulder.
Avoid Micromanaging Team Members
ROSE: I think in what you just said, there is a fine line that I would really love you to address. Like, there is the line where you stay connected, but you’re checking in. They’re doing things, so you haven’t just dumped it and left them. But there’s the other side, where sometimes for some people, the checking in feels like micromanaging. I know that’s probably my weakness and how I will come across because I feel responsible that these things are getting done. So I might come across as micromanaging.
DANA:Well, join the club, you’re in a good company!
ROSE: So yeah, could you just talk about that in between space?
DANA: Yeah, I love that. The thing that I have found is that it helps to set those expectations upfront. Here’s how we’re going to partner. Here’s – and I can be guilty – raise your right hand if you’re guilty of micromanaging, right? We’re all in this together, so how do I set the frame of that?
I do it proactively instead of reactively. I give permission. I think leaders that give others permission to say, are you wondering what I’m doing or are you wondering that if I’m doing it the way that you want it done? Or tell me more. Giving permission for team to be able to ask those kinds of questions, sets the stage upfront, first of all.
Now, what’s the parameters? What are the frameworks that we’re gonna be proceeding with? You have responsibility for this, and I don’t wanna micromanage. At the same time, I still need to know what’s going on. So would it be helpful if we had a weekly check-in? What would be the best way for us so it doesn’t feel onerous or micromanaging to you? We are setting up boundaries. That’s what we’re talking about. We’re setting up healthy boundaries.
Then, how do I help move those into a way that becomes more of a rhythm. It’s the same with 360s. I know I’m using a different idea, but if I only do 360 feedback when there’s a problem, now everybody immediately is concerned about the problem, and who is the problem, and why am I being asked to do this?
But if I’ve proactively set up, in this case, back to my original idea I’ve set up that this is how we’re gonna check in with each other. And if it feels too onerous, or it feels like I’m giving you the impression that I don’t trust you or that I am micromanaging, I want you to say. We can even have a code word if it’s in a group or something. I had one that was squirrel. They actually use the word squirrel. Squirrel, do I see a squirrel out the window out there? It became the company joke, but it became the code, and then we can have a conversation about it later on because now we’ve had the trust that we’re establishing with each other to set those healthy boundaries upfront.
Tough Conversations
ROSE: Dana, I have seen a leader set up the parameters and give people permission, but then when people push back or question or wonder, that leader gets really defensive, and then it just shuts everything down.
DANA: You’re absolutely right. This only works when we have enough trust and enough ability to have those conversations. So let’s use an example. You and I are working on something and I feel like it feels a little bit more than usual. And I have that conversation. First of all, I’m gonna have that conversation one-on-one. I’m not gonna have that conversation in front of the group, in front of the team. Because I want to praise in public and have a conversation that’s more coaching in private. So that’s like boundary or parameter one.
If that person still gets defensive, what I’ve done is set up a dynamic where I may have to break through that barrier, because people feel threatened. The good Lord gave us lots of defense mechanisms and things that pop up for us. We can’t put all of those on pause. I can’t just shut that down and say it doesn’t exist.
I have to say, what are those? Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about how that’s playing out for you. What’s going on? Are you feeling, what are you feeling? Tell me how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling. But be able to unpack that defensiveness or that boundary feeling threatened by a person.
It really comes back to ego. How, when I am feeling like I’m being diminished or that my leadership or my value is not important, I’m setting myself up to lash out. It’s like a little kid that doesn’t get any positive attention. They will get negative attention if we give enough credence to the positive parts of who they are .
They will start to push back, but – no – I’m glad you were having this conversation because I want to affirm you how amazing you are for letting us work through this stuff and having the openness to have this conversation. I don’t want us to go sideways. I want us to be able to have a great connection and great relationship. And I want to do things that make you happy, and are pleased with how our progress is as a team. For us to do that, we’re going to have to sometimes lean into conflict. And that’s back to our first, appreciating differences, because there’s gonna be conflict.
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