Tending Wounds Gently – A Reflection from Resilient Leaders Project

March 10, 2022

I burned my hand while cooking. It was a stupid, split-second mistake with painful consequences. I needed to move a pan that was sitting on the stove – a pan I cook with regularly. However, in my rush, I forgot that tonight, I had put that whole pan into the oven to finish cooking and, without thinking, I grabbed the stainless steel handle with my bare hand.

It’s been a few days and my wound is beginning to heal.

My time in quarantine has been a season of increased reflection.

I also started a new job as Manager of Resilient Leaders Project (Now, The Center for Transforming Engagement) at The Seattle School. So perhaps it comes as no surprise that, in reflecting on this wound, I’ve also been able to synthesize some of the concepts I am learning about resilience.

Because I burned the majority of my dominant hand, I quickly learned just how many things I use that hand to do and that I would need to adapt. Brushing my teeth, washing my hair, opening my coffee creamer, hooking my dog into his harness for a walk…things that have become daily rituals are now infused with an additional level of difficulty, and therefore, require more attentiveness and focus than previously demanded. Other things – cooking dinner, washing the dishes (let’s be honest, multiple times a day), holding a book – I could not adapt to doing on my own and had to ask my partner for help.

As a highly independent person, I hate asking for help.

Not because I feel that I’m a burden or that my husband will lose patience with my neediness, but because I delight in having the freedom and ability to choose to do what I want, when I want, how I want. Quite simply, I am not patient enough to ask for help. Digging down even further, I dislike being reminded that I need other people – but I do. According to research from Resilient Leaders Project, having supportive, close relationships is the first pillar of resilience.

The second thing I noticed is just how much time and attentiveness would be required for my wound to heal effectively and efficiently. I read up on treating burns and learned that I would need to keep my skin from drying out. This means applying medication – very delicately – multiple times throughout the day. It’s become a new ritual – when my wound is dry, I carefully dab a tiny amount on my palm and on each finger, spread very gently, and then spend the next few hours being careful not to get my sticky fingers onto anything that I touch…wash, rinse, repeat. All day. Sometimes, this is an annoyance; other times, it feels like a gift to tend to myself gently. This is the second pillar of resilience – regular rituals and practices of care.

After only a few days, I am seeing real improvement. My pain is greatly reduced and my skin looks much better. Though this repetitive practice took time, I am motivated by a desire to have my wound heal quickly and without scarring, so that I can get back to my normal way of doing things. This is the final pillar – a sense of purpose, knowing my “why”.

As I reflect on this, I can’t help but see parallels to my internal “wounds.” These wounds are as large as memories from childhood which still hurt to prod and as small as my frustration with how cooped up I feel in my own home.

My time in quarantine has invited me to look more closely at my internal life than I ever have before.

My pre-pandemic life contained enough “busy-ness” that I rarely needed to stop and tend to my feelings – that is, until my feelings stopped me. Now that things are quieter and slower, there are fewer distractions from what is going on within. Some days, my feelings seem an inconvenience – a distraction, making me unproductive and unfocused. On other days, it feels like a gift to sit and tend to myself gently.

I am realizing that perhaps, like the burn on my hand, my inner life also requires – and deserves – the support of a caring relationship, daily practices of care, and a sense of purpose to drive the healing process. Healing inner wounds requires the support of close relationships – a partner, close, trusted friends or a therapist. Inner wounds must be attended often, with time and attention, over and over.

Healing is not something to be done once and checked off the list; it requires rituals and practices – small increments done over time. A sense of purpose is necessary to sustain this long, slow, and often painful work – an answer to the question, “Who do I want to be? Why do I want to be healed?” For me, at least for today, the answer is – I want to be a person who can tie my own shoes again.

Interested in learning more? Request information below.

 

0 Comments

Upcoming Virtual Summit
Leading During Polarizing Times
This FREE online event is designed for ministry leaders seeking practical tools, spiritual wisdom, and renewed strength to lead faithfully when your church community faces deep differences.
Upcoming Virtual Summit
Leading During Polarizing Times
This FREE online event is designed for ministry leaders seeking practical tools, spiritual wisdom, and renewed strength to lead faithfully when your church community faces deep differences.
Full attendance and participation during all sessions are expected to complete the program.
Terms / Conditions. By registering for a Resilience or Leaders Circle, you agree to the following (scroll down and click agree)
Please consider the schedule closely to ensure you will be able to participate in the virtual meetings, and block off your calendar to ensure your attendance. Should you have an emergency (illness, situations out of your control) that will impact your participation please email transforming@theseattleschool.edu
Time commitment:
Two hours one day per month for 8 months, dates to be determined by majority of registrants' availability and adjusted as needed during the first group meeting.
Your feedback is immensely valuable!
As an essential component of your participation in this program, we ask that you provide us with your honest, candid, and timely feedback in program surveys and conversations, and consider providing reviews or testimonials of the program for promotional use.
Code of Conduct:
The Center for Transforming Engagement strives for intentionality in the ways we relate to one another - how we as a team relate to each other, how we relate to participants, and how we hope participants will relate to us and one another. To that end, we hold cultural norms about the ways we interact with one another. Your participation in this program is contingent on your agreement to abide by these cultural norms. i. For growth to happen, we all need to be able to share about the deeper challenges we face. To provide that atmosphere of openness and support, you commit to not sharing personal information that is shared in program meetings. ii. In our interactions with each other and our communities, we practice the humility of not-knowing that is required to listen and discover. iii. Be aware of different cultural and characterological ways of communicating, and invite others’ voices. Respect theological differences: the river of Christian orthodoxy is wide, and while the streams of that river are distinct, they are not inherently better or worse. Even if you can’t respect the belief, treat the person with respect. iiii. We value both thoughts and feelings as valuable pieces of information that inform one another, and inform our learning and discerning together. iv. Be in the here and now (not mentally somewhere or some time else), with the people who are sharing their time and stories with you. Eliminate any distractions possible.
Fair Use Policy
All program content, recordings, and materials are the intellectual property of The Seattle School and may not be presented, distributed, or replicated. The Seattle School retains the copyright for all recorded content. Some print materials (PDFs, worksheets, journal prompts, etc.) will be licensed under Creative Commons: Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike. Those materials will be available for download on our website, and may be used as long as the following conditions are met: (1) attribute to the Center for Transforming Engagement even if remixed/modified; (2) do not use for commercial (paid) purposes; and (3) anything you make that remixes or builds upon this material, you must also distribute under Creative Commons. More information on this license is available at creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/
(scroll down and click agree) Full attendance and participation during all sessions are expected to complete the program. Please consider the schedule closely to ensure you will be able to participate in the virtual meetings, and block off your calendar to ensure your attendance. Should you have an emergency (illness, situations out of your control) that will impact your participation please email transforming@theseattleschool.edu Time commitment: Two hours one day per month for 8 months, dates to be determined by majority of registrants' availability and adjusted as needed during the first group meeting. Your feedback is immensely valuable! As an essential component of your participation in this program, we ask that you provide us with your honest, candid, and timely feedback in program surveys and conversations, and consider providing reviews or testimonials of the program for promotional use. 2. Code of Conduct The Center for Transforming Engagement strives for intentionality in the ways we relate to one another - how we as a team relate to each other, how we relate to participants, and how we hope participants will relate to us and one another. To that end, we hold cultural norms about the ways we interact with one another. Your participation in this program is contingent on your agreement to abide by these cultural norms. Confidentiality. For growth to happen, we all need to be able to share about the deeper challenges we face. To provide that atmosphere of openness and support, you commit to not sharing personal information that is shared in program meetings. Curiosity. In our interactions with each other and our communities, we practice the humility of not-knowing that is required to listen and discover. Respect differences. Be aware of different cultural and characterological ways of communicating, and invite others’ voices. Respect theological differences: the river of Christian orthodoxy is wide, and while the streams of that river are distinct, they are not inherently better or worse. Even if you can’t respect the belief, treat the person with respect. You are invited to be a whole person, with both thoughts and feelings. We value both thoughts and feelings as valuable pieces of information that inform one another, and inform our learning and discerning together. Presence. Be in the here and now (not mentally somewhere or some time else), with the people who are sharing their time and stories with you. Eliminate any distractions possible. 3. Fair Use Policy All program content, recordings, and materials are the intellectual property of The Seattle School and may not be presented, distributed, or replicated. The Seattle School retains the copyright for all recorded content. Some print materials (PDFs, worksheets, journal prompts, etc.) will be licensed under Creative Commons: Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike. Those materials will be available for download on our website, and may be used as long as the following conditions are met: (1) attribute to the Center for Transforming Engagement even if remixed/modified; (2) do not use for commercial (paid) purposes; and (3) anything you make that remixes or builds upon this material, you must also distribute under Creative Commons. More information on this license is available at creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/